2 centimeters

I miss him, as I miss him in all of the days I'm not with him. Some days are bad, some days are worse. But I keep smiling on facing my days in the knowledge of his love.

Loving someone so much could hurt and in ways you have not imagined. I can be melodramatic and say that I've been through the worst. I probably haven't because if I already did, I wouldn't have survived. I know. My pain threshold is as small as the space between my thumb and my index when they hold a pen.

I just asked for him to do something small for me, this was something we argued over before. We argued about this a million times. I want us to talk longer. But then he has to go. I could say I have been a good girl these past few times, telling myself, I can talk to him again later. Today is different. I had to ask him to stay on for a little more so we can talk longer... but he told me I don't understand at all.

I can no longer continue telling you, my dear blog, because the screen is blurred now. I'm angry at myself again for not giving him what he wants when he wanted it: understanding. I want to lash out at myself for getting hurt again, for being in tears again. When will I learn to just depend on myself and not totally rely on someone else for my happiness? When will I be able to adapt to what people expects of me? When can I hold back that part of me called pride?