and when it's time...

It's inevitable. I'm going away... away from the family that I have known to love for the last two and a half years. The team who has taught me a lot of things; one of which was how to be strong to face the challenges ahead. I can try to show to them how they mean to me, individually and as a whole group. But I don't wanna cry every time. 


Inasmuch as I want to say that I've been proud to watch them grow because I had been part of all of it; but I know that they have made me strong and fragile at the same time. These days, I love to look at our photos to reminisce while I am still here with them. It's my way of coping when I know that I will hit the lowest and feel loneliest without my team. 


There have already been changes as a team usually goes through in any company. I already have 7 members who are no longer part of the team, and we are also expecting 3 more soon. Just like in life --- You win some, and you lose some. Although I do not believe I lost any of them, we always try to communicate to those 7 outside so they still know what's going on in the team. I guess we can never really learn to let go. And I wouldn't want to, anyway. 

This is a glass parade

A fragile state

And I am trying not to break 

And the stars are shining

The moon is right

And I would kill to be with you tonight 

Wish you told me all the truth

So afraid to face an absolute

All the fights you had to lose

All the fear was put upon you

I found you when you were broken

Too many cracks of deceit

I will give you all I have

Just look up, break down and believe

roll with the punches

Someone told me about her version of the old adage that goes:
"Huwag mong gawin sa iba kung ayaw mong gawain nila sa yo."


and her version goes like this:
"Huwag mong gawin sa iba kung ayaw mong gawain nila sa anak mo."




In English, it means "Don't do unto others what you do not want them to do to your kids."


It got me thinking and I agree with her on this, that sometimes you can take crap from other people because you know in one way you deserved it as you may have done it to some other people too. Now, what if it happens to your kids? It's a different story, right? 


Case in point: If other people bully you, it's OK. It can be annoying but it's OK. If people lie to and steal from you, it's not really OK but you can move on. So what if your own kids get those kinds of crap? Hmm. Some people would say they'd rather be hurt or pained; than seeing their own children suffer. It's just like that. Crappy, ain't it?

I have been missing my sister so much these days. I know she's going through a lot that may be too much for some, but she's a strong and willful woman. So I try to be there for her in spite of, that's what sisters are for. 
I hope she knows how much I love her and support her. All of us in the family do.


That's her in the photo and I can try to come up with a list of what she might be thinking about at this exact moment that this picture was taken. Although I'd rather not share it here... She might read this and may not like it if I did. 
But I can share this --- she could be thinking of her two beautiful kids; Angel Fredelle Mishka and Mikhail Kendric, what the future holds for them. She is a wonderful mother to them; which isn't really surprising as she has shown me her motherly instincts even when we were just kids ourselves. And to think that she's my younger sister, if you didn't know that I'm the eldest child in the family. What did surprise me was that she has turned around her life to try to make it better for them. She never gave up, no matter how hard life pushes her. And I really admire her for that. I don't think I can be half as good as a mother as she is; but she will be my inspiration. That's for sure.




sending my love to you
ster ♥

8-21-18-22-5

A friend once shared to me that he is estranged to his father, or rather his father is estranged to him. I'm not quite sure. He goes on that it's been 3 years now since he last saw or even spoke with his father. That he may or may not see his father when his father may or may not come home.
A shiver went up my spine. I can't imagine what he must be feeling. Is it longingness? Or does he feel resentment?
He doesn't really share his feelings. He barely even shares stories about him to others. He hardly trusts people enough to share his past or innermost thoughts, that he'd rather stay quiet and mull over his thoughts with a smile tugging on the side. There are layers and layers of him that no one can really be too sure.
To some, he can be a bit mysterious. To me, he's also just sad.
I wonder now, as I look back, if he only felt resignation, as if in defeat of an unnamed war. A war that will probably never end; as other faceless, nameless children would also have to fight in their battles to try to fit their lives into their fathers'.
Once a father, he will always try to be what his father never was to him - a dad who is going to be there for his son, a dad who teaches him the values and beliefs he needs to survive in this life, and a dad who showed all his love and care enough for the son to grow.
Maybe in time, he can say that he is a better father to his son than his father ever was to him.
That is one wish I have for my friend.
xoxo
Sent from my iPhone