The Adjustment Bureau

"I'm coming with you."

A simple line but it struck me the most.

The movie talks to me about faith, love and trust.

Faith, because of the underlying theme of The Chairman. The One who writes the path or what we might call destiny. Though there's always Chance - this is what's variable in life - yet most people don't do something about it.

Love. All movies, all songs everywhere always has an underlying theme of love. As they say, it makes the world go round. Cliche? Yes. But it is the core reason everyone gets up in the morning and gets going through the day - its' always love. In any form or in any way, we all have this and we never want to stop sharing about it. I guess what I want to say is, whether it's the love between lovers or friends or family: whether it's the start or the end of the line, it is always part of any story or music. It's all intercomnected because of love. We are all connected because of love.

Last but not at all the least among the three - TRUST.
Trust makes you vulnerable because you open up yourself to rejection, to possible pain, and to emptiness.
On the other hand, if that trust is reciprocated, then you become happy because all the risks is all worth it.

This movie is really talking to me about these 3 things, but more so, about trust. I broke one's trust. The only one whose trust I care about. Slowly, I'm still paying the price. It's not going to be easy, but I know it's all worth it.

"I'm coming with you."

And that is a promise...

my cup of iced tea

i have been meaning to share what i have been feeling these days... but i wouldn't know where to start. i'm afraid that when i finally succeeded in blogging it, that it won't be what i expect it to be.

'ay bahala nah!'

there is this constant unrest inside me. where this come from i don't know. i've been trying to compose this blog since two weeks ago.. until now, i can't even finish. i'm not sure when i will post this for fear of reading it and still find it wanting. :(

i talked with j and we felt the same about our dilemma with our family not agreeing with our practices on faith; which is attending the Bread of Life service and still attending Catholic mass. i feel nourished everytime i attend their service, i don't even feel bad. i still want to go attend the mass, though honestly i'm not as enthusiastic as i was before back in college. i'd rather attend mass in Dumaguete City than here in Cebu and this may be one reason. anyway, i don't wanna talk about it to my family but it felt good knowing that someone can totally relate to me. still there is this feeling of confusion inside me. i need enlightenment.

also i feel that there's more that i can do, more that i can be. i feel stuck, i feel restless. it seems like i'm wasting my time yet i feel exhausted all the time. i'm guilty of procrastinating the things i need to do and when i finally come around to doing them, i'm not satisfied still. why? i used to think that i will be better this year, i will work harder both for family and for myself. that i will do whatever it takes to excel in whatever i am into.

now, i've observed that i have not been doing things wholeheartedly. case in point, my relationship with my boyfriend/bestest friend in the whole wide world is not the best scenario. we're happy now though we're very very far, the farthest we've been for so long. there are times i'm guilty of not spending more time with him aka chat times or call times, i also do not text him when i reach the office. this worries him coz i work nights. i should never forget to do this, but i do. it makes me feel so bad for he has been patient about my shortcomings. i don't wanna say that it's because of the distance that makes me be like this, though maybe if we're closer (like if we're in the same country, not even city) i'd be a better girlfriend.

or that i don't go home as much as i did before, and when i do, i bring friends over that i don't spend that much time with them. i know you don't want me to whine but... sigh.

there is no conclusion here for me. i'm still in the process of creating a definition of me at twenty five with the sweetest boyfriend, with gorgeous but don't-see-them-as-often as-i-want friends, with an awesome but errant team, with invasive but loving family. the eternal "who am i" question.

perhaps, i need a retreat? just for a while... what do you think? pull to open for EXIT.

on faith

before you continue reading this, know that all this is based on personal opinion. however i would also love to hear your thoughts on this.

I am a Catholic. I am a Christian.
They don't necessarily mean the same thing. Yet I am both.

I have been baptized in the Catholic church, been taught the Catholic doctrine, been attending Catholic schools except college. I have been raised by Catholic parents and relatives. Though I believe I am faithful, I am not far from sin at all.

Lately I have been attending service by a Christian group. We sing songs of worship, then the pastor will speak for an hour on the topic prepared. Then another set of praise songs will be sung as recap for the service. Usually, my eyes will water and I won't notice until tears run my face while singing. I don't know why singing touches me so.

Last weekend, I was with my relatives and the topic of religion came up and I mentioned that I was recently at a christian gathering. My uncle chastised me by saying that they are trying to recruit me into their group. I did not think they were, so I did not say anything. He however went into a long argument how they will try to lure people into their religion. I felt he was being bias. Though he made me feel a bit paranoid, he may still be right at some point.

Anyway, wherever I am I know what I believe in and I will still remain what I really am: a child of God. No one can take that away from me. I Am Nothing without CHRIST. This is what being a Christian means.

Religion is important. For some, it even provides structure in one's life. For others, it is their relationship with the Maker. For me, FAITH is the most significant of all for without this, religion is nothing. A church is not a church without the faithful, as they say. I try to remain faithful amidst challenges and joys in life. Though sometimes it can be strenuous that I wouldn't know what to do. I would feel totally lost and helpless but I will turn to prayer. I just tell myself it would soon be over anyway.

So there. My thoughts on faith. ♥