The Adjustment Bureau

"I'm coming with you."

A simple line but it struck me the most.

The movie talks to me about faith, love and trust.

Faith, because of the underlying theme of The Chairman. The One who writes the path or what we might call destiny. Though there's always Chance - this is what's variable in life - yet most people don't do something about it.

Love. All movies, all songs everywhere always has an underlying theme of love. As they say, it makes the world go round. Cliche? Yes. But it is the core reason everyone gets up in the morning and gets going through the day - its' always love. In any form or in any way, we all have this and we never want to stop sharing about it. I guess what I want to say is, whether it's the love between lovers or friends or family: whether it's the start or the end of the line, it is always part of any story or music. It's all intercomnected because of love. We are all connected because of love.

Last but not at all the least among the three - TRUST.
Trust makes you vulnerable because you open up yourself to rejection, to possible pain, and to emptiness.
On the other hand, if that trust is reciprocated, then you become happy because all the risks is all worth it.

This movie is really talking to me about these 3 things, but more so, about trust. I broke one's trust. The only one whose trust I care about. Slowly, I'm still paying the price. It's not going to be easy, but I know it's all worth it.

"I'm coming with you."

And that is a promise...

mint

Life is good.

Sometimes, it isn't but TODAY it is.

That's enough for me.

May the endorphins lull me to sleep now.

missing link

I feel out of sync today.
Someone let me down and it's hard when it's someone you care about.

I used to tell people that I am her friend, not because I needed her but because I want to be there when she needs me. It has been that way since I met her. She was part of my team, a new team in a new account. We were both noisy, we talk and laugh boisterously.
We've only been friends for more than 2 years - not a very long time but enough to wonder where I've gone wrong.
You see, dear blog, I've supported her when I thought she was in bad times. I helped her in times when I thought she needed it. She was also sweet to cheer me up when I feel down or sad. She also taught me the value of saving coz she's very thrifty.
Anyway, I convinced her to join my new company, my new team. It was a bit rough for her getting in. But she succeeded.
I had hopes and dreams for her to grow and develop her career. They all went up in smoke last night. She quit. I don't want to tell the details anymore. Talking about is painful, maybe because I understand her actions and the motive behind them. I guess I she just disappointed me. I trusted her yet she hurt me.
She told me she was sorry. I am sorry too. I guess our friendship won't be the same anymore. It will still be there but broken somehow. I'm gonna miss her.

Nuggets of Wisdom

Some feel-good nuggets of wisdom a friend sent me in a text that I would like to share with all of you. Start each day reciting one nugget a day until all will become your mantra in life.

1. Be kind to yourself.
2. Looking good is feeling good inside.
3. You're not out to please everybody.
4. Expect little but do your best and dream BIG.
5. Smiling is healthy.
6. Laugh your heart out.
7. Live light & right and keep it simple.
8. Failure is a good starting point.
9. You are blessed, don't forget to say thanks. and most importantly...
10. GOD answers!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was already morning and I was in a hurry. My boyfriend, Angelo, called out to me. He was riding a golf cart to take him to the farthest hangar in the area. He is a pilot.

"I'm gonna fly out today. Will you come with me?"

Oh what sweet words! But...

"I can't. I'm already late... I have a patient I need to attend to right now." Adrenaline is pumping thru my veins, pushing me to pick up my speed.

Angelo tried to keep up with me.

"I really hope you can come with me..."

I smiled sadly and kissed him,

"Fly now and kiss me from the heavens. I love you."

He paused for awhile before going away on another direction. And I continued on my path to where my job is waiting. I couldn't abandon anyone, whatever the prize. I am after all, a surgeon, USAF surgeon. I turned left and then, I only saw darkness.

.

.

.

Then, I slowly opened my eyes trying to get accustomed to the morning's brightness. I look around and I realized I'm still on my bed with pillows strewn all over the place. Gawd!

It was all just a dream.

still dreaming,

chiclois ♥ osedill

While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.

last sunday, i got a call from Gelou that a friend has passed on. i couldn't believe it. i just met Sue and 6 others last May 9 this year on a trip to Bais Sand Bar. i joined their trip and we all had fun despite the roads from Dumaguete to Bais being overhauled. though that was only 1 time and it was only a few hours, i knew Sue to be so vibrant and funny and kind. those who knew her could only say "sayang, she was still so young." i know it's always hard to let someone close to you go.

someone told me that people are hypocritical.

in offense, i asked "how can you say that?"

do you know how many people pray for you right now?

yeah. at least 2, i guess.

see? and if you're gone, everyone will pray for you. why not pray for you while you're still alive?

see, that made me silent. he has a good point. it may be harsh, but it's real and it happens to the best of us. we all have friends and loved ones, why don't we pray for their well being and wish them well while we still have time? yet we harbor grudge against them or put up our walls or masks to hide how we truly feel for them. isn't all that just wasting time and emotions? this is a lesson learned for me, or maybe i have learned this before but i forgot so i have to re-learn this.

i remember the email sent to me by a friend titled I wish you enough. read below...

Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'
The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.' They kissed and the daughter left.
The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" ."I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," he said. "When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'"
He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. "When we said, 'I wish you enough, we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them." Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good- bye."

My message now is this. To you who have lost, remember it is not yours in the first place.
We can only pray that when our time comes, it will be easier for those who will lose us.

Goodbye Sue. Smile your radiant smile upon us.

*
While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die. ~Leonardo Da Vinci
It is good to die before one has done anything deserving death. ~Anaxandrides
No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. ~Euripides
Where death has touched, will it ever be normal again? ~ chiclois
*

xo .lois ♥

rain down on me

what an emotional week or so for me!


last week King of Pop MJ died, i never really knew him nor did i adore him like alot of his critics or fans. but for me, i almost cried coz i cannot believe a great talent like him has passed on. i was really looking forward to his comeback concert in London albeit his supposedly last one. now, there's nothing except tributes from the music industry or news on his huge $4M debt or the custody of his children and his burial. so long, Man in the Mirror. the world must let you go now... Requiem Eternam Michael Jackson.
previous Sunday, i watched Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen with joanna r and i really enjoyed it. the effects were really rad and Shia and Josh were oh-so hot and i love Optimus Prime since childhood. the plot moved me. why? coz i really thought Prime really died, for about 5 seconds. i realized of course, that the protagonist wouldn't die or it would've been all over the reviews. right? anyway, Sam saved him and all was well. the movie was really great except for the part when history was told by a Decepticon (i didn't figure out the name) when they were in Egyptian desert. it bored me. all in all, i wanna watch it again yet Transformers was still better.

yesterday, i had a heart-to-heart talk with my boyfriend thru chat and i just couldn't hold back the tears. no need for details here but good thing, no one discovered the tears. amidst the distance and the obvious challenges, i can now calm the fears in my heart with the confidence that we can rise up and be declared winners in the long run. long it may seem, i know it will come.


"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.”
by Comte DeBussy-Rabutin


just minutes ago, i was reading the Reader's Digest Asia June 2009 issue. so i started with My Story entry entitled "The Dior Kiss". it was about a mom that hardly shows any expression of love to her kids. i can totally relate for i was growing up with a bit difficult relationship with my mom. and she was no different from the mom described in the narrative. there were times that i remember when i try to cozy up with her while watching tv, she would brush me off saying that it's too warm; or that if i try to hold her hand while walking, she'd let go of it. but as i got older, i held on and i would notice she'd smile sometimes. she was probably a very strict and practical mom but she raised us up almost on her own for my father was out of the country most of the time working as a crew on an international ship.

looking back, i wouldn't have exchanged any of the experiences i had with my mom for i wouldn't be who i am if not for her. she only wanted what was best for us. that's it. so the story might have made some tears fall for i remembered what it felt like. but i'll always love her. and i know she us loves us even more. moms, they're like that you know?


so if it's gonna rain on me this week or any other week, i can face it with whole heart and to never back down on anything.



"if not a rainy day, a rainy heart."
-cheezenibbles





xo .lois.

first driving lesson

a dream to drive

a 10 yr old girl was waiting in the car for her sister from school. the sister rides on the school bus but will be dropped only up to the central capitol building, this is where the girl waits with her uncle. uncle decides to buy food and gave careful instructions not to touch the car controls, as the girl nodded in agreement.

and as the uncle turned back and left the car, the girl transferred to the driver's seat from where she was sitting shotgun.

in her mind, she was the driver. moving the stick shift, turning the wheel left and right, honking, and remembering her uncle when relieving the hand brake.

and then... the car started to move downhill towards the busy highway. she froze. she wanted to step on the brake but she wasn't sure which of them. is it the left or the right pad? or the one on the center? she thought if she steps on the wrong one, the car would propel forward. she wanted to call out to the bystanders on the park but her voice got stuck. she doesn't know what to do!

so... she just let the car roll slowly. she prayed her uncle won't get mad if she ruins the car.

good thing there was a truck. the car bumped onto the truck stopping the car from going directly to the highway. wee! saved. the uncle arrived just in time to see the girl who looked as though she was gonna faint, and helped her out. he just shook his head in disbelief.

P.S. girl in the car was me.

P.P.S. the dent on the car will forever haunt me.

"nothing is so common as the wish to become remarkable."
- Shakespeare

where are you?

i don't wanna be alone.
nobody wants to be alone, right?

well, i know this girl who wants to be alone. i used to think she is just saying this as her excuse whatever. but she really wants to be left alone. she can live with her thoughts AND if she is left in Sahara Desert for a month, she's gonna survive. i hear not alot of people will after 10 days because humans cannot live alone. they have to interact with other humans, else they die. actually, this girl is talkative and has a loud laugh.

we used to talk and laugh alot and have fun all the time, but that was when we still hang out together. now all that's different. aside from the fact that we don't see each other that often anymore, she has gone back to retreat to her own world. her universe where she enjoys her own companionship. i miss her yet i tire of reaching out to her then she pulls back. is it gonna be this way still? hope not.

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art...
It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.
C.S. Lewis

jEnNy

She calls me baby
Then she won't call me,
Says she adores me
And then ignores me.
Jenny
What's the problem?

just singing your song... hehehe

Hapee burtdey fwend!
May God continue to shower His blessings on you.
You deserve everything and more. weeeee...
i love you jenny! :D

no need

watched the news today.

learned that there are now 29 confirmed cases of influenza A(H1N1) virus, or more commonly known as swine flu, here in the country. 2 of which are in Cebu, probably 3.

arrived at work and opened email. got this: nice.

on faith

before you continue reading this, know that all this is based on personal opinion. however i would also love to hear your thoughts on this.

I am a Catholic. I am a Christian.
They don't necessarily mean the same thing. Yet I am both.

I have been baptized in the Catholic church, been taught the Catholic doctrine, been attending Catholic schools except college. I have been raised by Catholic parents and relatives. Though I believe I am faithful, I am not far from sin at all.

Lately I have been attending service by a Christian group. We sing songs of worship, then the pastor will speak for an hour on the topic prepared. Then another set of praise songs will be sung as recap for the service. Usually, my eyes will water and I won't notice until tears run my face while singing. I don't know why singing touches me so.

Last weekend, I was with my relatives and the topic of religion came up and I mentioned that I was recently at a christian gathering. My uncle chastised me by saying that they are trying to recruit me into their group. I did not think they were, so I did not say anything. He however went into a long argument how they will try to lure people into their religion. I felt he was being bias. Though he made me feel a bit paranoid, he may still be right at some point.

Anyway, wherever I am I know what I believe in and I will still remain what I really am: a child of God. No one can take that away from me. I Am Nothing without CHRIST. This is what being a Christian means.

Religion is important. For some, it even provides structure in one's life. For others, it is their relationship with the Maker. For me, FAITH is the most significant of all for without this, religion is nothing. A church is not a church without the faithful, as they say. I try to remain faithful amidst challenges and joys in life. Though sometimes it can be strenuous that I wouldn't know what to do. I would feel totally lost and helpless but I will turn to prayer. I just tell myself it would soon be over anyway.

So there. My thoughts on faith. ♥

lists... lists... lists!

people have been writing lists since time immemorial for whatever reason.
for me, writing a list gives me an order in this somehow anarchic mind.
sometimes, it helps define who we are in this topsy-turvy world. at times, it even provides us direction in our lives.

why we create our own lists are our own business, but my list of lists are either of the following:

• the easy ones are the things i love: movies, songs, celebrities, friends, clothestags, brands of footwear, animated characters, tv shows
• some may include the mundane: countries i dream of travelling, fave things of the week, hottest buys of the month, coolest people i know or something similar
• few can be strange or downright crazy

my John Goddard-ish list (so-called bucket list)

1. sing to an audience of at least 50 be it a company or family affair -- probably with mask on! :))
2. ride on a rollercoaster -- did this once, on Space Shuttle @ Enchanted Kingdom
3. kiss under a mistletoe -- no mistletoe grows in the country, must go to where there is winter
4. learn to surf passably in CamSur or Siargao Island -- my knees wobble at the idea :S
5. lose 10 pounds in 2 months - before my trip to Malaysia on August
6. enjoy Camiguin island's slice of paradise -- not a fan of Boracay, haven't been there though
7. carress a dolphin or ride on one -- i've seen a few on Tañon Strait, exhilarating experience
8. hike to Balinsasayao twin lakes in Negros Oriental
9. visit Fiji islands in the Pacific -- my boyfriend suggested this
10. hike to any mountaintop where fog is all around -- get to talk in the clouds
11. walk the Via Dolorosa or Way of Grief in Jerusalem
12. fly to Rome and visit the pope -- hope to get a photo with him too
13. learn to fly a plane or a helicopter
14. scuba dive Apo Island and then to the Great Barrier Reef -- that is, after ive learned how to scuba dive. wee!
    

there are still alot of things i wanna do... i will be updating my blog again soon.
but if you have any suggestions, feel free to leave a comment. :D

Angel Fredelle Mishka

It's my niece's birthday today, isn't it? First born of my sister, she has a rather grave disposition, usually seen without a smile on her face...
But when she does, which she does rarely, she lits up everyone in the room. She is a beautiful child, with eyes that see right through you and they seem to understand you even without uttering a word.

Happy birthday mishka! You're 4 years old today. May you stay young and sweet.

I love you.

* Initially, I wrote in that mishka is 3 yrs old. I was wrong. I updated it anyway. I'm sorry sis!

what i think about pork fever

Swine Flu

this is a worldwide scare today. A(H1N1) virus has caused concern for everyone especially in places where there had been confirmed cases of swine flu patients.

one thing i've learned from reading and watching news alerts regarding swine flu is to constantly wash your hands and don't touch your face with unwashed hands. but one thing is sure, you don't contract this by eating pork or any processed foods that has pork in it. one friend was really scared of swine flu. she told me: "lois! is it true swine flu is now in the philippines? yet i never stopped eating pork, what should i do???" it was funny when she told me this. but when you're really concerned of your health, it's not.

i hope this will go away soon. or at least, someone can find a vaccine for this or cure perhaps. if i learn anything more, i'll be sure to post it.

scary ordeal

my new fear: Dentist Chair.

i went to the dentist yesterday for aesthetic reasons.. i never thought that i would need a tooth extraction.

Dra. Velos, the dentist, proceeded with application of anesthesia and waited until it took effect: my gums went numb basically. she was having a hard time taking the tooth out as it was kinda twisted, blame my genes for strong but crooked teeth. ugh. i hated the whole ordeal, spitting out saliva and sometimes blood in the middle of the dentist's effort in extracting my stubborn teeth. ewww.. as soon as the crown broke off from its root, i got real scared. she had to drill into my gums. arrggghhh! at last! everything was removed though it took more than 2 hours for the whole thing. i can't imagine any other time i felt greater relief than when i left the chair.

so anyone who needs to go to the dentist, make sure you have muttered all your courage before lying down on that scary chair. my heart goes out to all of you.

the one thing that i was happy about even after all this. i get to eat ice cream! weeee... my relatives were with me and when we had dinner at chowking, they all gave me their scoops of ice cream from their halo-halo! how great is that! :D

till my next post... see yah!

delaying needlessly

Procrastination.
From the base word, procrastinate, which means to postpone or delay needlessly.

I resigned from eGS last December 2008, I started to process my clearance when 2009 came. But the headset I surrendered was apparently not the one the company originally assigned to me so I had to sign an Authority to Deduct (ATD) for a thousand pesos. I did not do so immediately as I was hoping my actual headset would turn up.

Today, I decided to come back to complete my clearance and exit interview. I woke up with a splitting headache and nausea. But I had errands to do at the bank, I had no choice but to leave my bed. Immediately after I went to the security office to sign for the ATD. The guard on duty directed me to look for the security head to sign my clearance. Unfortunately, he went to lunch. I asked for the HR officer, she too went to lunch.

eGS has been waiting for me to process my clearance. Now, it's my turn to wait. Inasmuch as I want to, I can't go home yet because I have resolved to clear my name today. I just have to wait.
One hour can't be that long. I saw ENGY cafe and I decided to while my time here...

I should learn my lesson about not "delaying needlessly," I hope. I'll let you know soon if I've been procrastinating again. :D