Day 1

The only person who really knows me, who cares about me and loves me is now hurting because of me. I lied to him yesterday. I was scared to let him know where I was and who I was with because we might fight again. I didn't want us to fight. But he found out. I could never really lie to him, he knows. He always knows me. Now, he wants to end our more than 7-year relationship.
And now I am scared. I'm really scared because I don't know what to do now. He has always been my shoulder to cry on, my strong arm to carry me through a difficult day, my bestfriend who never lets me down. I know there's no way to take back what I did, but I wish I can! I wish I never lied! It was so stupid to think he won't know about it.
I know he's had enough of me now. He wants to move on without me.
How painful his words are to me now! I've never been so hurt by him, but he is in so much pain he because of me. He said he loves me still, but it's not enough anymore as his trust for me has gone completely. How can we move forward together when that basic requirement is now lost?
I cannot stand the pain of losing him. But more than that, I can't stand the pain of knowing he is hurting because of me.
Guilt. Regret. Sadness.
They are my companions today.
I told him that I'll always be here for him but he replies that I am making it harder for both of us. He really just wants nothing to do with me anymore. How can I change things???
Please Lord, tell me what to do.




Day 1 now ends...











xoxo
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